break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I am puke
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize