The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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