She is in my trunk
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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