Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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