Acid is not a monday night drug
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So many bounce houses so little time
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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