oh god the rape fog is back!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
