I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
