State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize