just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
