haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
