What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
