Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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