i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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