Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
