No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
