life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
