I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
