God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Even my vagina gasped.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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