Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
that's an acceptable place to lick
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
