Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
