Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
