I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
