sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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