Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
