will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
