you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
