You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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