You smell like a Billy Joel song
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
