dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
