dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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