Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
do nipples grow back?
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