we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
