did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
