If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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