I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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