i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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