Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
