Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
