it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
