I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
