I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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