As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
