Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
