she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
