i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
