Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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