It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
