Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
