Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
