I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize