I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
