I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
