i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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