You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
