I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
