she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
