you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
