Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
