There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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