She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
