2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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