And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
