I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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