Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
