i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
