I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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