you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize