I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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