Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
That accounts for only three of the penises
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
